Do you know that there was a time when all I thought about was calories and my weight? It was downright tiring but I simply couldn’t get it out of my mind. I’d count calories in everything I ate, even if it was just a tiny yogurt, an apple or a small salad. I’d weigh myself every day (sometimes five times a day) and beat myself up if the number on the scale went up at all (even .5 pounds). I’d exercise obnoxious amounts in order to burn off everything I ate and so I’d feel “skinny.” It was downright self-sabotaging and every time I look back on my former self, I can’t believe that this negative inner “weight talk” consumed an entire 4+ years of my life. There is so much more to life than that.
While it’s sad to realize that’s how low I used to think about myself, I couldn’t be happier about the person I am today. Four years later, I’m now a happy, confident, determined young woman who doesn’t think an ounce about calories or stress about weight gain. I’ve finally come to the realization that there is so much more to life, and if you are happy with yourself and your body then the number on the scale doesn’t really matter. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have my “fat days” occasionally or sometimes feel a teensy weensy bit of jealousy toward other women’s bikini bods, but my weight-consumed days are far in the past (Thank God).
It’s come to my attention, however, than many women went through or are currently going through the same sort of thing I went through. I hear women every day talk about “needing to go a diet,” wanting to drop 10 pounds or discussing the best fat free/low cal foods for weight loss. I see perfectly healthy girls skipping lunch or eating a 100 calorie pack and calling it a day. At times, I want to confront these women and tell them it’s all going to be OK and they will be able to stop obsessising with diets and weight loss soon enough. Then other times I’m tempted to butt in and tell them the answer isn’t a carb-free diet, sugar free soda or longer trips to the gym. There’s a lotttt more to it than that.
But at the same time, I’d also be lying if I told you that getting over my weight obsession was easy, or there is some magic wand you can wave to make everything normal again. (Wouldn’t that be nice?) Unfortunately, it’s not that easy, and I had to go through a lot of self realization in order to get to the happy, perky, care-free self I am today. That’s why I’m in the midst of writing a book–a memoir of sorts–about the struggles I went through, how I overcame them, and how other women can do the same! Hopefully if I could finally get over the hump, then you (or your sister/best friend/mother/daughter) can too.
As I sit here eating an open-faced turkey ‘n’ cheese sandwich on Ezekiel bread with sliced cucumbers and a side of sweet potato chips, I smile and think of how happy I am that I’m finally over those terrifying days of my past. Damn this is a good sandwich and I can’t wait to have another one of my chocolate chip pumpkin muffins afterward!
Do you struggle with your weight or let negative thoughts consume you? Have you overcome that weight-talk as I did, and finally found your “happy place”? If so, how?